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Funny Quotes

Quote means to repeat exactly something that somebody else has said or written before. A quote is also a passage or statement to give something as an example to support what you are saying. Quote has several other senses as a verb and a noun. Further, in this article, we have some of the Funny Quotes.

Given below are Funny Quotes :

“Woke up today. It was terrible.”

“Woke up today. It was terrible.”

– Grumpy Cat

“Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow just as well.”

– Mark Twain

“I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.”

– Les Dawson

“I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.”

– Les Dawson

“I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.”

– Rodney Dangerfield

“I walk around like everything’s fine, but deep down, inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off.”

– Anonymous

“True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the country.”

– Kurt Vonnegut

“In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.”

– Fran Lebowitz

“A college education is one of the few things a person is willing to pay for and not get.”

– William Lowe Bryan

“If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.”

– George Carlin

“The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies; probably because they are generally the same people.”

– G.K. Chesterton

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“Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.”

“Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.”

– Oscar Wilde

“Happiness is having a large, caring, close-knit family in another city.”

– George Burns

“There are two classes of travel—first class and with children.”

– Robert Benchley

“There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.”

– Jerry Seinfeld

“When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.”

– Rodney Dangerfield

“Just be good and kind to your children. Not only are they the future of the world, they’re the ones who can sign you into a home.”

– Dennis Miller

“A perfect parent is a person with excellent child-rearing theories and no actual children.”

– Dave Barry

“Adults are always asking children what they want to be when they grow up because they’re looking for ideas.”

– Paula Poundstone

“Never criticize your spouse’s faults; if it weren’t for them, your mate might have found someone better than you.”

– Jay Trachman

“Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet service to see who they really are.”

– Will Ferrell
“If you want to be sure that you never forget your wife’s birthday, just try forgetting it once.”

“If you want to be sure that you never forget your wife’s birthday, just try forgetting it once.”

– Aldo Cammarota

“My advice to you is get married: If you find a good wife you’ll be happy; if not, you’ll become a philosopher.”

– Socrates

Quotations are used in spoken discourse for many reasons. They are often used by speakers to explain stories and events that happened in the past to other storytellers. Quotations are often used as a literary device to present one’s point of view. They are also widely used in spoken language when an interlocutor wishes to convey a proposition that they have heard.


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